Tuesday, March 15, 2011

'Losing Sanity'

'WWWhhhaaahhhhh!!!!' 'WWHhhhhhaahhhhh!!!!' How can one person possibly think with that in your ear?! Now, it's never as bad as you think it is at the current moment but when its bad, it just seems like its the worst.

Just tell me what you want? why can't you just say 'hey, I've got crap in my pants, help!' or 'I would love some boob right now'.  No, it has to be a blood curtling scream or a sad, pathetic whimper....that turns into a blood curtling scream. 0 to 100 in mere seconds, oh the joy of parenting.

But I can't complain, I don't have it that bad. I have a daughter that, for the most, part loves life and loves me. She smiles at you at just the right moment, coos at you when you think things couldn't get any better (or worse). I just wish she was better at communicating or maybe I need to get better at listening. Who knows?! either way we need to come to some kind of middle ground.

For the past two days trying to put her to sleep has been a chore. She refuses to eat longer then 10 minutes, falls asleep almost immediately and as soon as I put her down it begins...'WWWWhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!' I don't get it, I just don't understand, what is the problem?! Just remember, I tell myself, 'she's great, she's wonderful, she's a gift'

Okay, its my turn, I've got to go, it's time to stop the crying and save my husbands back...

Monday, March 14, 2011

'Long Over Due, Short on Manpower'

Thought I died or disappeared? Nope just had a baby and moved out of the state. I have no other excuses for not writing but in my defense those are two big reasons. Matter of fact as I type, I have a 13lb sleeping baby in my arms, which I must say makes it difficult to type at any significant pace.

I'll be honest with you, I'm struggling with today's topic. Since its been over 4 months since my last entry, I'm not sure where to begin. I could talk to you about the changes motherhood brings but that would be too obvious. I could talk to you about the difficulties of a losing season, but nobody likes you when you're losing (trust me on that one). Or I could talk to you about how after 70 inches of snow you tend to stop counting inches (who am I kidding, I stopped counting after 20 inches - I miss Florida). No, I think I'll talk to you about something that I've slowly lost over the past few months, no not pounds...motivation (which could also be my excuse for not writing in this blog but I like the first two reasons much better).

Motivation has been like a forgotten dream to me. Something that I only remember when I lay my head down at night. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever had that happen to you? You wake up in the morning, knowing you dreamt about something but you're not sure about what. You forget about it and go one with your day, only to remember the dream when you're going back to sleep. That has been motivation for me. I'll think of all the things I want to do when I'm getting Nikki (that's the 13lb baby currently sleeping in my arms) ready for bed. I'll tell myself, 'okay in the morning I'll do all the laundry', or 'I'll bake something tasty tomorrow', or 'I'll go for a run with Daisy, our dog', or even 'Tomorrow, I'll write in my blog'. My list of  'I'll do this' or 'I'll do thats' are generated and stored in my head, ready for the next morning. And then the next day comes and nothing, until bedtime, where I'll contemplate my next days list of 'I'll do's'.

Maybe the solution is writing a list of my 'I'll do's' down and crossing them off as I go. Maybe just stating them out loud in this blog will get me off my butt. But my fear is that, maybe, just maybe, I've always had this problem, you know, lacking motivation. I'm sure if  I started dissecting my past, I could....waiiitttt a minute, not so fast! That started to sound like I was going down a different road, which could lead to serious thought and no, I'm sorry I'm just not a thinker. Maybe some other time, like when I'm old or maybe even when I'm dead;)

I think I'll simply blame my lack of motivation to my first thoughts...the move and the baby...and cross off writing in my blog as a done item and move on to the next line....