Monday, October 18, 2010

"Waiting and Remembering"

So with only two days left of childless freedom, my mind is reeling with the endless possibilities of 'what if's'. I've maintained pretty well through the whole pregnancy, trying not to think of what could happen or what could go wrong. Now with less than 48 hours remaining, its hard not to start thinking of the 'could be's'. So to take my mind off things, I've been trying to remember all of the fun pregnancy dreams that I've had....

The very first dream that I had was kind of a blurry dream. Nothing very exciting. It was before the 20th week of my pregnancy b/c we didn't know the sex yet and I was hoping for a boy. The dream was about us (my mother-in-law, Kevin and my mom - maybe my dad) leaving the hospital (which is funny cause that's how it's going to be). We were getting into my parents Durango and the right passenger door was open with the baby on that side. I climbed from the driver's seat to the back seat and saw a little girl, but she was wearing one of the first outfits that I had purchased. Which at the time of the purchase I thought was gender neutral, at second glance it was definitely a boys outfit (brown and blue).

I remember waking up and thinking, 'okay, the baby was a girl, but she was wearing a boy's outfit, maybe it will be a boy'. That turned out wrong, definitely a girl:)

The  second dream didn't come until much later, probably around my 28th week. It was a dream about breastfeeding. Apparently, my mind had fears that I would be unsuccessful (they say your baby dreams usually revolve around what you're most concerned about). In this dream, I had my baby (not gender specific) and it was the size of my hand, which if I had given birth at that time would have probably been the right size. Well, in the dream, I laid her on my chest (decided it didn't sound right to call her 'it') to allow her to crawl up my chest to breastfeed. Now, that sounds weird but I had just had a breastfeeding class, where the lactation specialist told us that if you laid the baby on the mom's chest, it would actually crawl up the body, bounce from boob to boob and latch on perfectly. Apparently, this is a natural reflex for the baby and is an amazing sight to see. Anyways, this little pint size baby creepily (and I mean creepy) crawled up my chest and bounced from boob to boob. And even for a dream was pretty amazing to see (besides the fact that I was creeped out by the size and appearance)

The next dream was pretty soon after the one just mentioned. This one portrayed my fears of having a giant baby. In my dream, the baby was still inside me and was pressing her hands and feet against my belly. I looked down and what I saw was the outline of a baby's foot. Except the babies foot was the length of my hand. All I could think of was 'my god, she has the feet of a 5 year old, the rest of her body must be huge, get her out, get her out!'.

I told Coach about both of those dreams, and he laughed and told me that he had a similar dream. In this dream the baby had been born and I was attempting to breastfeed. In real life, we have an over sized La-z-boy chair, its awesome. Well, in Coach's dream I was sitting on one side and the baby was laying across my lap. The baby was so large that she her feet were dangling off the opposite side of the chair. Not good, not good at all!

My last dream, and given the amount of time left, the final baby dream was about my delivery. Well, kind of about my delivery. In my dream, the baby was pressing and pushing on my belly so I looked down. I could see her hand in-print on the lower left side of my belly and as I watched her pressing, I noticed that her hand was becoming clearer and clearer. She was actually stretching my skin out with her hand, so much so that I thought I could tickle her palm. So I placed my finger in the middle of her hand, which was now two or three inches away from the rest of my belly (with skin still surrounding hers) and she actually wrapped her little hand around my finger. From there, she held on tight and actually swung her self down and out while holding on. She had dark hair and was a normal sized baby. An extremely easy labor, if I don't mind saying so myself.

The past nine months have been great. I've had little to no issues and both sides of my family have been ultra supportive. Given the circumstances, the past nine months could have been hell but they haven't. Coach and I are fortunate to have an open, understanding and communicative relationship. Without that, I couldn't imagine what this would have been like. I have tried to keep an open and unassuming mind with regards to labor&delivery and the expectations of what our daughter will look like. To make assumptions or imagine an event or person a certain way, in my opinion, opens you up to let downs and disappointment. And the last thing I want is to be disappointed at the sight of my daughter. I'm sure that wouldn't happen but I would never want to look back and know that even for a second I was disappointed in what I saw.

I don't know if I'll get to write in the upcoming days, or even weeks. But I promise the moment I have a clear mind you'll be the first to know. Wish me luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment